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I Am Thankful For Repentance

It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn't special or unique; At least, that many of my thoughts, behaviors, temptations, and failures weren't unique. Additionally, they weren't unique for my age, demographic, religion, or any other category. I already knew that I made far more mistakes than I wanted but somewhere in my late twenties I started to realize that regardless of appearances, social media posts, and testimonies that everyone else was struggling with failures as well. People do an excellent job wearing their masks and appearing put together. Ultimately though, everyone is constantly at war with the person they appear and the struggles they face in reality. Whether or not others use it, repentance is a blessing to me. It helps me strive to be better and receive strength to try again after my failures crush my hope.

Growing up it seemed a rare occasion when someone would admit they had repented. We were taught in church to do it, but all of the examples seemed pretty. "I was jealous of someone," "I got in a fight," "I used a bad word," "I drank some tea on accident." The end result was a narrative that made leaders seem innocent and perfect. They were on their way to heaven and repentance allowed them to recover from one-off accidental trip-ups. What about the people who were filled with rage and violence? What about people addicted to pornography? What about those who attempted suicide? The sterile environment of church youth classes and those stalwart leaders failed to do more than scratch the surface of what the Savior performed in the Atonement.

So, first, I'm thankful for the realization that I'm not the only one with non-trivial sins. I'm grateful that I no longer feel like the only person that struggles with serious burdens of sin.

Second, I'm grateful for experiences that have confirmed the power of repentance and the Atonement. Repenting hasn't been easy, and I will always need to do it constantly, but it rewards me with peace.

Finally, I'm thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for the Atonement that He performed in Gethsemane. I don't understand it in the least, but I'm glad He did it.

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